All aboard the Liz Line

CHOO CHOO


Well, anyone who saw the front page of the evening standard on the way home today; or heard it on the radio when they got home; or read the news on Buzzfeed at work when they should have been working, it has been announced today that Crossrail ( the new high frequency, high capacity railway for London and the South East. If you don't know about this then... I don't understand!) will be named the Elizabeth Line when it opens in 2017.

mmm Purple-y

This only goes to prove the point that if you are the reigning monarch of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland for a mere 63 years, 7 months, and 2 days they name a London Underground line after you! (They're practically giving them away).
The well-read amongst you will, like me, probably be thinking "Finally!!! She surpassed a reign of 63 years, 7 months, and 2 days on September 9th last year!" and you're quite right to think that. Up until now the Queen has only had rubbish things named after her like...

This Boat;

Pathetic

This Olympic Park;

Rubbish

And this tower;

"No Nic, that is called Big Ben!"
Well actually it has never been called tha... Just look it up!

The queen unraveled the roundel with her name on it at Bond Street today. See...

I can hold this plaque by myself mate, If you don't let go I am gonna get you fired!

Yeah that's right! I'm the Queen... Bitch!

Before she went to unveil the name of the new line I imagine she had the following conversation with one of her advisers.

Adviser: So you know how you're opening the new line today.

The Queen: The Elizabeth Line yes.

The Adviser: And you know how the new line is a sort of Lilac-y Purple

The Queen: Yes...

Adviser: And you know how your outfits are always just one solid colour.

The Queen: They are not!

Adviser: They are... look -

If they all join together they become a mighty morphing queen with rainbow powers!

The Queen: Ok, point made... but what of it?

Adviser: Well we stayed up all night and come up with this cunning and brilliant plan. We thought that the colour you wear today could be

The Queen: LILAC-Y PURPLE!

The Adviser: Oh that is a much better idea than the one we had...

The Queen: ON IT... I am Going to wear the outfit with the Mad-Hatter-Esque Hat!

Needless to say... she wore Lilac-y Purple, matched the line and all the newspapers felt they had to comment on it.



As you can imagine the naming of a new line is huge news for everyone all over the London.
I know this to be true as I heard a large balding man on the tube say to his wife (or ambiguous relationship female friend) "I suppose it makes sense".

But don't take his word for it. Lets see what others had to say.

Boris Johnson, who apparently came up (Doubtful) with the idea to call it the Elizabeth line said;

“Queen Elizabeth has given extraordinary service to this country over an unprecedented period and it is entirely right that she should be honoured with a living tribute that will last for centuries.”

"psst... didn't the queen just get you fired"
"haha... yeah!"

Meanwhile Queen Victoria, who up to today was the only Monarch to have an underground line named after her, said "We are not amused"

I know what you are thinking - Hardly an original Joke Nic! - well take this into account, isn't it weird that she said we and not I... she is only one person!
If that doesn't freak you out then this will...
Queen Victoria died over a century ago... so how did she give an opinion at all!!!

Freaky.



Meanwhile, it has taken only a matter of hours was the hashtag #LizzyLine to trend on twitter and for one T-shirt company to produce these t-shirts;

I've ordered 8 (One for each day of the week, and a spare in case of accidents!)

But what does the queen think of it all???

Well I emailed Buckingham palace and they didn't respond (yet...) so have manufactured what I believe her response will be to the question What do you think of the Cross Rail being named 'The Elizabeth Line'?

"I think it is a bleedin' Marvelous idea, better than the ruddy metropolitan line... I always get mixed up and call it the neapolitan... Phillip wets himself at that."


Although she hasn't actually said that, I think we can treat it as the Unofficial 'Official Response'.

Anyway, Let me know your thoughts on the Elizabeth line.

I hope your Tuesdays are exciting as mine. I am doing my Laundry. (Not just any laundry... it is a Duvet Cover week so... pretty massive!)

Laters.

Xx

Chocolate

The Aztecs, who according to google look like this;

"I thought you were wearing the GREEN Onesie... we look stupid both in Yellow!"

If you look past their terrible skills at predicting the end of the world and the odd human sacrifice, the Aztecs were pretty awesome because (according to my terrible knowledge in history) they invented...

CHOCOLATE!!!!

Why are you reading this caption... look at the chocolate. LOOK AT IT!

I love chocolate. You love chocolate. I am always suspicious of those who don't like chocolate. In fact, I tend to assume they are the scouts of an alien race, who are much the same as us in everyway except the fact that they detest chocolate. Why are they scouting the earth? To find our weaknesses, obviously, before they invade. Their invasion will be a blood thirsty mess until eventually we fight back with the one thing they cannot stand... Chocolate!
The war will, of course, force Cadburys, Nestle and Mars to unite to develop weapons of mass Chocstruction...

I may have digressed there a little, oh how the mind wanders when considering the terrible people that are chocolate-haters.

anyway,

Do you have the Back to the Future theme tune stuck in your head now? Because I do!

So one day in ancient Aztec land (A.K.A Mexico) some guys are bored after sacrificing their youngest daughters and are playing catch with a cocoa bean pod... one of them (let's call him Steve) says to the other (let's call him Mahuizoh)

Steve: Mahuizoh, do yoou think we can do anything else with this Bean pod other than chuck it to one another.

Mahuizoh: Yes... you idiot, we have been using them to make chocolate for generations!

This was not the story of how the Aztecs created chocolate, instead it was the story of how Mahuizoh realised that Steve was an idiot.

But how do they make chocolate?

I am glad you asked.

I am glad this picture included leaves so that we know that Cocoa Beans grow on trees.

Well first the beans arrive at a factory and they have to sift through it all to do two things.
1) Get rid of any unwanted objects (Coffee Beans, bits of twig, bouncy balls, anthrax and the like!)
2) Sort the beans into the different types of bean so they know what they are working with.

Apparently some manufacturers use 12 types of cocoa bean in some of their chocolate which, in my opinion, is just greedy!

They then put the beans in a big old over and Roast them. Why? Because they are making chocolate you idiot, I thought that would be obvious from the fact that this section of the blog is talking about how they make chocolate… Start the blog again.
They cook them at a heat of 100 to 150 Degrees C from half an hour to two hours. At the end they have a wicked tan and smell more chocolatey. Mmm Chocolate.

At this point they crack their shells, blow the excess away leaving behind the crushed, broken and generally dishevelled pieces of chocolate (Yeah, that is right, they smash the, to pieces… look at the happy bean above with his thumbs up… he is dead now!)
On the happier side, these remnants of shattered cocoa beans are called Nibs.

Yay, Nibs. This is the first point in the process that you have something edible. Yummy Nibs.

Don’t get too attached to the Nibs though… because then they crush those too! They are then left with a thick paste called Chocolate Liquor.

“LIQUOR?” said all the alcoholics! 

“Not that kind of liquor” said I

After splitting the Chocolate Liquor in two, half of it goes through a process called ‘Slamming’, which we have to assume involves some sort of Rap battle). Slamming splits the Chocolate Liquor into Cocoa Butter (which will be used later in the chocolate making process, just you wait and see!) and Cocoa Powder, used for making hot chocolate.

The other half of the Chocolate Liquor, Or Chocquor (not an official term), would be gross to eat, it is bitter and not very smooth. So they then add things such as
Sugar, Vanilla, Milk and Cocoa Butter (I told you it would come back didn’t I?... I did).

This product would taste Delish-washer but would not have that chocolatey texture that we love so much. Therefore the chocolate has to go through another stupidly named process called ‘Conching’

I looked up the word 'Conching' on Urban Dictionary.

I regretted it.

In the world of chocolate making, Conching is running the chocolate through a machine that mixes and mashes and swirls and aerates the chocolate. The longer this is done the better. The really fancy chocolates will do this for almost a week!

At this point you have liquid chocolate (as long as it is kept hot) so you could drink it… or pour it into a mold of an egg so that you can properly celebrate the resurrection of Jesus (Easter is weird… we need to talk about Easter!)

After all this we end up with this;

There is a Star Bar in this picture... Have you, or anyone you know, ever eaten a Star Bar?

Which as previously stated... is AMAZING!

Imagine giving it up for an entire month. What a stupid, moronic, ridiculous idea. You'd have to be a total idiot!

So in March my sister is giving up chocolate for the entire month.

But Lent has already started? I know! Why would anyone give up anything except if it was for Lent. 

Well she is doing it to raise money for the British Heart Foundation because she is nice that way.

I am not nice so I am not doing it. 

My sister really loves chocolate look;

Cadbury and Nestle in the same sitting... disgusting!

Because she is not a chocolate hating Alien, as previously discussed, I imagine this will be really hard for her. So if you think she is doing something good or you support the work of the british heart foundation then feel free to sponsor her here.

CLICK HERE FOR SPONSORAGE

Anyway, this week's lessons are
1) Chocolate is brilliant
2) Don't go on Urban Dictionary
3) Steve is an idiot
4) You can sponsor people for not eating chocolate nowadays
5) Easter is weird.


GOODBYE

Xx

Groundhog day, not just a film!

Yo!

So this morning, having woken up to Sonny and Cher's I got you Babe and the radio presenters informing me that it is "cooooooold outside today", I walked through the snow to present a news item about the Groundhog Punpunxsutawney phil and whether he comes out of his hole or retreats in. For this would determine the next few weeks of weather...

It was at this point I thought to myself Didn't this happen yesterday?

I am sorry to those of you who have never seen the 1993 film 'Groundhog Day' starring the brilliant Bill Murray as that opening paragraph will make absolutely zero sense to you.

This image is actually a lot cleverer than I first realised ... Bill Murray is literally 'Stuck in Time'/

I am also sorry to those who you haven't seen 'Groundhog day' because, well, you haven't seen 'Groundhog day'!

I mean, If you have never seen 'Groundhog day' you don't know the pleasure of saying

"Phil? Hey, Phil? Phil! Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you!"

NED RYERSON? BING!

But do you know what, I am not here to talk about the amazing film that is Groundhog day!

Really, it's all you've done so far! 

Shut up you!

If I were to review it I'd give it a solid 4.5/5, it has everything you'd want in a film, large rodents, monotonous repetition, Bill Murray, Ice sculptures! 

I am here to talk about the actual event, Groundhog Day..

Groundhog Day

(You will notice in this blog that every fact you learn about this event only opens up new questions... Until inevitably you question your own sanity)

If you go to the following website www.groundhog.org you will find a website currently declaring 

When you look at this picture you are probably thinking; this is a series of words, statements and a picture that have literally no correlation. You might also be thinking, gosh that website uses a lot of exclamation marks!!!!!!

How has Phil predicted an early spring? 

What has this got to do with the lack of shadow? 

Why is that man on the left re-enacting Lion King with a giant Guinea Pig?

These are a few of the questions you may be asking at this point and this is only the start. 

Groundhog day is a celebration in North America (Yes, the U.S.A and Canada) where people, in a variety of locations across the continent gather in large groups to watch a Groundhog either leave, or decide not to leave, his home.

If the Groundhog leaves his home (also known as 'Not seeing his shadow) then Spring will come early.

If the Groundhog stays in his home due to 'seeing his shadow' then there will be six more weeks of winter.

Specifically Six.

No More.

Mo Less.

Don't question it... this is science.

Is this what Science is like? I dropped it after G.C.S.E

Actually do question it... it is ridiculous.

Here are three questions I had after the introduction.

Question 1) What is a Groundhog?

Answer)  A Groundhog is a rodent of the family Sciuridae, belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots. They look like this;

Yeah what you lookin' at!

Groundhogs are also known by two other names which are...

A woodchuck! You've heard of a Woodchuck, y'know from wondering the amount of wood they could chuck under a specific circumstance in which they lack the ability to chuck wood.

It turns out that he would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood, but he can't because he is too busy looking for his shadow...

A Whistle-pig

A WHISTLE-PIG!!!!!! Did you every hear a word (two words? a hyphenated word? hyphenated words?) as good as Whistle-Pig?

Stop what you are doing (which I realise is probably reading this Blog) and appreciate the fact that it is called a Whistle-Pig...

I am so Happy right now.

Question 2) How many people go to see this?

Answer) Well, as mentioned before, Groundhog Day events (each having the emergence, or non-emergence of their own Groundhog) happen all over North America. From Columbus, Ohio to Wiarton, Ontario. From Nova Skotia to Texas... but the largest event  is in... 

(anti-climactic drum-roll please)

Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. (Which is the setting of the 1993 film...damn I mentioned it again)

'ugh, I should have stayed inside'

Over 40,000 people go the Punxsutawney event every year on February 2nd, to see, the aptly named, 'Punxsutawney Phil' do his thing!

40,000! That is more than the population of Worksop.

This is a picture of the entire population of Worksop cheering that their town was mentioned in an obscure blog
You cannot hear them cheering... because it is a picture.

Question 3) Does the Whistle-Pig actually know if Winter is coming to an end

Answer) No

Here are Questions I had after the first Question and Answer session (also known as Question Questions, or Questceptions);

Questception 1) Do all meteorological-future-predicting Woodchucks have cool names like 'Punxsutawney Phil'.

Answer) Damn straight they do!

Like Dunkirk Dave in Dunkirk, New York or Balzac Billy in Balzac, Alberta or Chattanooga Chuck in Chattanooga, Tennessee

I could list these off all day!

I'll do some more. 

There is Lawrenceville Lucy in Lawrenceville, Pennsylvania, the first female Groundhog to publicly predict the end of winter, who predicted an early spring in 2015.

What about Holstville Hal who in 2011 predicted six more weeks of winter in, you guessed it, Holtsville, New York.

Also, in Val d'Espoir, Quebec they have a Groundhog called...

Fred

UPDATED ANSWER) No, they don't all have cool names like 'Punxsutawney Phil'

Damn it FRED!

Questception 2) Who are these 40,000+ people who go to this event.

Answer) We have to assume morons. People with either a lot of time on their hands or a real lack of scientific understanding.

Question that has arisen from Questception 2) Nic, Would you go to Punxatawney to watch what Phil does?

Answer) If I had the opportunity to, I would be there quicker than A groundhog emerges from his home on February the 2nd if he hasn't seen his shadow and Spring is coming early!

Groundhog day is not all fun and games though guys, no... this year in Manitoba, home of Woodchuck, Winnipeg Willow, they have suffered terribly. On Saturday the 30th of January 2016, only 3 days before the big day itself...

Winnipeg Willow died.

The city of Manitoba literally cancelled the entire event. They are in mourning. Why wouldn't they be... look at the little thing

Yeah try and replace me, Manitoba!

Rest in Peace Willow, safe in the knowledge that never again will a ridiculously large crowd try and coax you out of your home in the vague hope that they won't have to suffer winter any longer... in Canada... where it is Winter until June, how futile! 

Wait a minute, perhaps she committed suicide.

This Blog got dark, which proves that if you talk to yourself about anything for long enough... you will go down a dark path. I am, as predicted, questioning my sanity.

So as another Groundhog day draws to an end, and Punxsutawney Phil has predicted an early Winter, I hope you all feel happier for knowing these basic Groundhog Day facts!

If you have any questions yourself, feel free to leave comments below.

Seeya!

Theatre Review: You Tweet My Face Space

Perhaps you are a person who likes Theatre? Perhaps you are a person who likes Youtube, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook or, I don't know, Myspace?

Perhaps you have never heard of any the above because you are in fact a hermit living in a hole somewhere just outside Croydon and the only item of interest you own is an elderberry bush. If you are the latter... how did you stumble upon my blog? 

If you are either of the first two types of people, or, those of you in the purple section in the below Venn Diagram, both, then I will say right now that You will love You Tweet My Face Space.

Guess who just remembered about Venn Diagrams for the first time since childhood? (I did!)

To all those people who aren't mad Social Media fans (Those in the blue section) don't worry, this play is still very applicable for you.

If you don't like Theatre (Those in the red section) I don't know what to suggest. Probably that you carry on leading your lives doing whatever things you do to be happy. Sport?

Anyway, i'd better start the actual review

The actual review of You Tweet My Face Space

"I knew I should have wiped my browser history before showing everyone this Youtube video"

Writer: Tom Hartwell
Director: Annie Stoffels

Imagine if you will, a world where most communication is done via the internet, not just for conversation but to show others every event in your life, every cinema trip, every birthday party, every yoghurt you've eaten for dessert. A world where useless nobodies are forcing weekly blogs on you about nothing in particular. A world where all your entertainment comes from videos of pets doing things like this;

Not hard to imagine is it, because it is our world, and it is this very world that Tom Hartwell has chosen to scrutinize in this satirical play about the trials and tribulations of living at a time when the instant gratification of widely spreading everything you do to everyone who has had the honour of accepting a friend request from you is far more important than going outside and telling someone to their face.

I will be honest, the first time I went to see You Tweet my Face Space I was worried. I feared it would be a clunky, outdated look at the world of social media especially when discovering that most of the cast were playing personifications of the main sites themselves. I had images of Facebook simply liking everything it came into contact with whilst Twitter spoke solely in hashtags and Instagram took endless Polaroids
Fortunately, I did not write the show, my fears were unfounded and I was #pleasantlysurprised.

What starts as a play about a rough relationship between David (Tom Hartwell) and Charlotte (Megan King) struggling through the biggest issue in their relationship, David's devotion to Facebook, suddenly descends into hilarious chaos as a vast variety of well-known social media sites fight for David's attention after one photo, spread quickly and widely via the internet, turns his life upside down.

(Small break from the review whilst I enjoy the fact I quoted the theme from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)

(Back to the review)

A strong cast with no obvious weak links, the show is fast paced and relies heavily on every actor involved. A special mention must go to Evan Rees who seems to perfectly portray Facebook as 'that friend who is actually a malicious, manipulative, narcissist despite the friendly outer demeanor', Imagine Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter, but with a hip t-shirt/blazer combination and a top knot. (and y'know, without the undertones of racism that come with wanting to kill or imprison all mud bloods).

The odd obvious joke appears but generally the subtle and in tune humour is persistent throughout this one act show, highlighting all the ridiculousness involved in our lives online. This most prominently comes to a head with Katie Dalzell's colourful portrayal of Farmville, a disgruntled farmer coming to terms with rapidly vanishing to nothing after a brief period in the lime light.

How did this fail? who doesn't want to run a virtual Farm?

I just tried to log into my old Farmville account... there is nothing left. Just a miserable barren wasteland that I once had great hopes and dreams for. I feel slightly upset, I might give myself a moment to lament.
I am over it.

It would be difficult to not offer a virtual round of applause to Tom Hartwell who not only wrote the show but holds the show together as the main character and 'Straight Guy' surrounded by all the off-the-wall characters like the suave, if not somewhat out-dated, Hotmail (Hadley Smith).

A hauntingly accurate comedy that will both make you laugh and reevaluate the amount of time spent on social media (at least it did me) I would thoroughly recommend getting yourself to Balham either the next two days and check it out for yourself.

***** - this was my attempt at writing five stars. It was less impressive than I hoped it would be. Perhaps I should have found a more impressive Clip Art or just written FIVE STARS.

Find out all about the final two performances here You Tweet My Face Space

Bye all!

Lumiere London: An incomplete review

Probably going to spell Lumiere wrong at least once in this Blog... my brain wants to put the letter R in it at least twice. That is right, I said 'at least twice', if it were up to me it would be spelled Lumierrrrrrrrre and would be pronounced Loo-mee- eurrrrrrgh (at this point in the pronunciation it would be important to shrug nonchalantly like a french person might, preferably you'd be wearing a beret and drinking red wine)

Basically you'd look like this;

I literally searched 'French Person' and this was the top result!

 So for those who are unaware what Lumiere London was, I can tell you it was not this;

Perhaps he will be our guest!

So what was it? It was a selection of artistic light displays dotted around London for the general public to look at!

Before I start reviewing sections of this show I must tell you that this is definitely an incomplete review as my Girlfriend and I certainly didn't see all of it.
But why??? I shall go into that later, calm down!
I am also not an art critic and have literally NEVER reviewed art before. However, I shall do my best! I am going to describe them to you before I look at any pictures, that way we will see how could my memory was.

So Katie (the aforementioned Girlfriend) and I started viewing these lights at Oxford Circus which if you look at the following map featured 'Light Art number 6.' 
(Is that what they should be called... Light Art? I have literally no idea!)

Light Art Number 6

Number 6 was a big cuboid thing hung above the junction of oxford circus, it changed colours 

between red and green and blue (and, I dunno... purple?) and apparently represented a tsunami!

This is the only one that I know anything about further than what I saw on the day, because the map we were given didn't explain anything, you could download an app which was really difficult to use that would explain what the pieces were about but... it was difficult to use and this first one didn't remind me of a tsunami (can you be reminded of something you have never actually seen?) so I decided to neglect the difficult app after this and come to my own conclusions, my logic being... how hard can it be to understand Artistic intention!

I would have called it 'Windows Media Player Visualiser'

I give it a 3/5. It was nice to look at and changed colour and I imagine it took a lot of effort to get it up (whey) above one of the biggest junctions of London.

Lets move on to...

Light Art Number 2

(I am still not really happy with the use of 'Light Art' but... I am going to stick with it unless I think of something better between now and the next one!)

Light Art Number 2 was a selection of huge Flying fish things, there were two on regent street and three on Picadilly. They were massive and flew in the air like kites (there were actual people flying them from the ground). They also changed colours, between Blue, yellow and orange and the like.

As mentioned before, I do not know the artistic intention, but I would have said they were there to represent what the world will be like when it is invaded by a race of Giant, Multicoloured, Flying Fish. Or, maybe it was a global warming thing...

See, I told you I had a girlfriend (she is the one in the foreground, the things further back are the fish light things!)

I would give the fish things a 4/5. It was impressive how they flew and they looked like actual things. They also gathered a large crowd around them. Which was fine as both Regent Street and Picadilly were closed to cars... which I must say, was kinda cool.

De-Light Number 3

(I came up with a better term than 'Light Art', I am genuinely quite chuffed with myself)

So De-Light Number 1 was between Piccadilly and Regent Street and had two sides to it.

It was an Elephant

It represented an Elephant

It reminded me of an Elephant

The Front Side was the front of an Elephant

EL-E-PHANT

The Back Side was... well the backside of an Elephant

Back of Elephant

I Give it Elephant/5 because Elephant. Elephant.

At this point, whilst writing, I loudly trumpeted like an elephant would... there are two other people in the computer room I am currently in... they look confused. Putting gloves on my ears and pulling my scarf over my nose so I'd look like an elephant probably didn't help...

I am surprisingly pleased with how this photo turned out!

De-Light Numero Uno

Yes I wrote in Spanish, what of it!

De-Light Number 1 was my favourite, it was called the light Garden and was in Leicester Square. It was, in my opinion, made to look like a giant garden in which we were the size of a small rodent, perhaps a Shrew, but all the plants were lights.

I am not sure it was supposed to represent anything deeper than a garden but it was fun, and it looked darn good and it was just quite awesome. Everyone in there seemed happy with themselves just because they were in it! It was reminiscent of the Chocolate room in the original 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'

My pictures don't do it justice as I am not a photographer but still...

It was at this moment that the Acid kicked in

I believe this plant is called a 'Hangiada lightis'

I would easily give De-Light 1 a 5/5, my reasons... It was an LSD fueled, Roald Dahl inspired, Light show that made you go ooooooooh!

Also Shakespeare was there (he may always be there...)

"Light Seeking Light doth Light of Light Beguile" Love Labours Lost
(Damn Right I just included a quote by Shakespeare about Light... I am that good!)

After Leicester Square, Katie and I walked to Trafalgar Square where we were thoroughly amazed...





by how disappointing the two De-Lights in Trafalger Square were.

One De-Light (De-Light 11) was simply a reconstruction of the 'Centre Point' Lights to scale.
This would be impressive if they had turned out to be massive but they were, in fact, 6 foot high... at most.

De-Light 10 was a load of rubbish. Literally. Someone had filled one of the fountains with plastic bottles and shone a light on it. Looking back I am now wondering if this was actually part of Lumiere London or simply an inherent litter problem in our capital! I assume it was supposed to show how we are all scruffy urchins who need to recycle more.

Not shown: Street Cleaner Crying

After this Disappointment and due to the drastically cold weather, we went home. Hence the incomplete review. There were also a large amount of De-Lights around King's Cross but we never made it.

If i were to review the overall event I would give it the following score

3/5

The De-Lights themselves were hit and miss, from the heights of the Night Garden to the lows of the litter fountain but I suppose that is the nature of Art. I would say I was happier with more of them than I wasn't.

I think the organisers could have perhaps made the locations of the exhibits a little closer to one another. I think it was fine to have two main concentrations (Piccadilly area and King's Cross) but as well as those there were the odd displays dotted at Grosvenor Square and at Euston.

Better info on the website would have also been useful to plan a route, and a more accessible app would have made the whole experience more informed!

That sounds rather negative though and actually I had a lovely evening and I saw an elephant that wasn't actually an elephant... it was lights!

If it is on again next year... I recommend you go!

Merry Tuesday to you all and farewell.

The end. (sort of)

Review of Last week's Comments

The 'S' on the end of the title of this section is a little presumptuous as after my Blog last week, I received my first comment, but only one comment.

Chris Deakin wrote;

Ah mate tonsillitis?! Nightmare. Still, EUSCSTA seem pretty cool!

I shall now proceed to tear your comment to pieces Mr Deakin. In response to your first sentence, how could you question if I had Tonsillitis after the Blog you had just read? I feel that if you had got only one thing from last week's Blog it would have been that I had Tonsillitis, even I know I said it too many times!!!

I therefore will not answer your question directly as I do not think it merits an answer.

With regards to your second sentence, it was a Nightmare, I can assure you of that. However, I never mentioned that in my blog, I would ask you not to jump to conclusions about my well-being in the future.

Third Sentence, I am afraid I spoke to EUSCSTA and they do not wish for people to associate them with your opinion of them being 'pretty cool'. Therefore in future, refer to them as nothing more than 'slightly cool'.

Anyway, please feel free to comment below!

T'END

Tonsils, huh yeah, What are they good for?

"Aaaaargh!"
"Why do you scream so?" you might ask
"Because my tonsils have litis" I might reply.

An easier way of getting this point across would be to tell you, rather concisely, that I have tonsillitis.

Woop de doo Basil.

Pros of this illness include; I get to eat a diet of mash potato, spaghetti hoops, soup and yoghurt!

Cons of this illness include; My throat feels like a hedgehog wearing a suit made of sandpaper is doing Zumba in my throat whilst his friend, a porcupine, is throwing nails around whilst using my gullet as a back-scratching post. Which interestingly, is how I got tonsillitis in the first place... funny how life works out!
(Are Hedgehogs and Porcupines friends or enemies? Discuss.)

In between the pain, the pain killers and the gratuitous amounts of soup I am ingesting, I have begun to question the need for my tonsils.

So I looked it up on the internet, which I have nowadays, and it said the following;


But why Tonsils? A Blog about Tonsils.
Tonsils are awesome! Without your Tonsils you would instantly die of every illness known to man. Even illnesses that are not airborne or that you get from ingestion, such as migraines or stubbing your toe.

Basically, all illnesses and accidents start by going into your mouth first and your tonsils stop them by having a super kickass ninja fight and sometimes their are explosions and cars on fire but in the end YOU win because your tonsils win.

Occasionally you will get tonsillitis but that is just because your tonsils fought something massive like the plague or trench foot... they'll be back on their feet soon don't you even worry!

George Washington had his Tonsils out and now he is dead, Will Smith didn't... and he is very much alive!!!!


After reading this I though, gosh Tonsils seem important! Better not ever speak to a doctor about having those removed. However I later discovered that that was an excerpt from a blog by;

What an official looking logo that I didn't draw on paint

The Eastern United States Church of St. Tonsil of Assissi (The E.U.S.C.S.T.A if you will) are an incredibly right wing religious group who strongly believe Jesus died on the cross to save our Tonsils from removal (also, they're quite racist...)

needless to say I believed everything they told me.

Unfortunately the debate as to whether or not I should remove my Tonsils has never come into question as, for some reason, despite the fact this is the umpteenth time I have had tonsillitis since 2009, the doctors won't remove them!

Now I am as attached to my tonsils as much as the next guy but at some point should I not get a say in the matter. Having your tonsils out doesn't even sound that bad according to Reddit user 'Quixotic', who says:

See, getting your tonsils out is a breeze, as long as you can exclusively breathe through your nose and you can get to Manhattan during the recovery process (I am not sure how that helps but it must do... I read it on reddit!)
Although, if we are using Reddit to support getting my tonsils out, perhaps I should also listen to reddit user, 'Andrewsmith1986' who says;

What I mainly take from this review of 'getting your tonsils out' is, if you try and remove them as a child, you become a super hero and destroy everything in your path before you get knocked out, are in a coma for three days and wake up feeling pretty awful.
Well seeing as I am no longer a child I see no problem.

However, none of this matters as I cannot have my tonsil's removed, not even for a bank holiday weekend or my birthday, as the doctor said unequivocally, "no".

"I will have to decline, as I have no head"

So I must live on, eating soup and other liquids pretending to be food! Could be worse though, I suppose, I could be on a diet of Coffee and Granola bars... Hot and Scratchy!

I do hope all of your second weeks of 2016 have gone smoothly, did any of you have tonsillitis? 

It has been an interesting week fraught with Junior Doctor's strikes, the movie 'The Martian' winning the best Musical/Comedy at the golden globes (I know right? That would have been a much more interesting topic to write a Blog about), and most of all this week has seen the passing of a great musician.

So, as a way of signing off respectably, I leave you with my favourite song by the late Mr David Bowie/Ziggy Stardust/Alladin Sane/Jareth, The Goblin King

Good Night...

A Warm Welcome

Hello and welcome to my Tuesday Blog.

To all those worried that this will be a Blog about the day Tuesday (its history and cultural importance), don't worry, it is not. That would be incredibly dull.

To all those excited that this will be a Blog about the day Tuesday (its history and cultural importance), don't be excited, it is not. You are incredibly dull.

It is in fact a Blog that I will be writing on Tuesdays. I am not 100% of the form it will eventually take but I am sure it will evolve into something Hilarious/Unrelentingly emotional. I will always welcome comments so feel free to steer me in a direction you want (to an extent, this is not going to become a Blog about 'My Little Pony', Fruit Pastilles or I don't know... Marxism.)

So let us begin...

"Has it not already begun?" You all said, I imagine.

"No it hasn't already begun, that was a sort of prologue and now you've prevented the beginning from occurring for even longer!" I said in response, out loud for no one to hear, then preceded to write it down.

THE BEGINNING

Welcome to 2016!!!!

Have you been welcomed to 2016 yet? I bet not.

"I Have" said Steve

Shut up Steve!

Multiple people have wished me a 'Happy New Year', although the number of people who wish me this has been decreasing. It started quite promisingly at midnight on the 1st of January when the 5 people I was with at the time all wished me it simultaneously, and with some gusto, then it dropped off dramatically until the next day when I saw others.

However, no one has, as of yet, welcomed me to 2016. I think we should hire an official Welcomer. He (or she) would dress up very smart and go round the country welcoming people to the new year with a hand shake or hug (as per people's preference). I realise that if there is only one Welcomer then it will take him (or her) an excessive amount of time to get round the whole U.K...

In fact, with there being 64 million people in the U.K at present they would need to be welcoming more than 2 people a second, so maybe we would need, I don't know, 3?

"Did he just do maths?"

Darn right I did maths!

The other great thing about a Welcomer (because we all agree it is a great idea). Is that they could check back with everyone half way through year, like a waiter does half way through the meal.

A video posted by Nic Munday (@nicmun) on Jan 5, 2016 at 11:04am PST

Yes I did imply that by the year 2032 we'd be speaking German (You laugh at me now but who'll still be laughing when we get to 2032! Hopefully neither of us as no one should have to suffer 16 years of constant laughter).

There are many among you who might wonder why I own a blue wig. Well that blue wig was bought for a New Year's eve party this very week just gone. Here is proof of all this in the form of a picture of a friend of mine, at the party, wearing the wig!

Yes my friend is Kylo ren

So if you still feel don't feel welcomed to 2016 don't worry I am gonna give it one last shot.

WELCOME TO 2016 

I maybe could have used a bigger font.

2016! A year where already this has happened on 'Come dine with me'

And a year in which the world will witness a sequel to the great 1996 film 'Independence day'... FINALLY!

See you next tuesday!

Nic